(Art by Liu Ye)
1. There is nothing more satisfying than the look on someone’s face when they watch me parallel park in one try.
2. Most of my best friends are gay guys and hipsters.
3. Straight guys with yellow fever hold doors open for me and buy me drinks.
4. I can magically disappear by blending into a group of other Asian females.
5. Strangers on the street rarely ever talk to me because they think I can’t speak English.
6. I get to amuse myself by making people uncomfortable by pretending to be offended when they reference anything remotely Asian. For example:
“Can you pass me that fortune cookie?”
“What the hell did you call me?!?!”
7. I can lie about my age and get away with it.
8. Crazy old dudes tell me amazing war stories about their days during the Korean War.
9. Crazy old dudes start speaking to me in Japanese or Chinese and I pretend I understand by giggling while covering my mouth and looking away.
10. People think I am way smarter than I really is.